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ROMANTIC,
Love Lockdown, edited
I miss you, honey.
I miss going to dinner with you.
Everywhere I look, up and down the streets,
I keep thinking I see you.
It’s the damnedest thing!
By the way, I’ve decided to discard,
Throw out some of the poetry, I wrote.
Of course, you must know why!
It has me loving you too much.
Oh! Those notes I took,
The records of our long-distance telephone conversations,
Sister, that’s a painful lot!
I documented all your promises, your assurances.
I made you repeat them.
I hoped thereby you might remember
How many times you had given me your word.
I wrote them all down, my questions, your answers.
I can look back, should anyone have interest,
And figure the exact dates of those, your pledges.
But the exercise would require work,
Because in the ledgers of those,
Our continent-to-continent dialogues,
I reckoned time according to lunar calendar.
They read, for instance, first, Monday, December.
Across one sheet I marked significant,
You had telephoned me from Florida this last October,
The day directly following the second, the Harvest Moon,
A moon whose rise the previous night
I had sighted over Forest Avenue.
Upon those papers I sometimes drew,
(The right term here might be doodled.)
Regular zodiac signs, pretended knowledge.
I played role of old-time astrologer,
Who predicated life’s lot on planetary whirl,
Who posited fortune from abstract, our lives
On conjunction of heavenly bodies within a starry belt,
I was dream-wishing.
It was make-believe, pathetic.
Might your last satellite communication, I wondered,
Be housed on plane with moon in constellation, Leo?
It all gets very primitive when dealing with you.
II
When I concentrate,
Concentrate on my abandon, on my love,
Thoroughly examine the extent of my feelings,
My heart wells, fills up like a balloon, ready to burst.
Overwhelmed, stretched to utmost circumference,
Its membrane reaches thinnest extreme,
It helps to explain
Just how sensitive I am to your every desire.
If I remember to relax,
Should I try to stop holding on,
Just simply let you go,
Then I can not help but feel gratitude,
Give thanks for the time
I had opportunity to spend with you.
At other times I fall to absolute delusion,
And believe I write great poetry,
The words I pen immortal,
Celebrate you and me for the ages,
That future reader discover my dreams of you,
And pine and swoon as I do here,
Know that ours was destiny, and yes,
Wonder what higher power allowed lyric to express
Love beyond belief.
I guess I believe we are constantly being born.
I go through all these thoughts, again – again,
Hoping against hope,
Seeking a glimmer, some glimmer,
Fingers crossed for incredible stroke of luck,
Trust your return to my arms once more.
III
I have a real problem;
It’s when I look about.
I see other couples, pairs, tight,
Together for the afternoon, daylight upon their faces,
All lovey-dovey, they walk along the avenues.
It bothers me seeing them; they sit in cafes and read
Newspapers and books, and sip from bottles of water.
I envy them. I do not have you.
World seems happier place
When people have each other to depend on,
And romance animates their bodies and faces.
I am sorry to conclude, you’re a mean person.
You went away; my sole companion now my work.
Am I making this up as I go along?
But you did go and I am home alone.
You left me all by myself with my freedom.
I fear, I have fallen prey to mine own emptiness.
Were you to belong to me, I swear I wouldn’t,
I wouldn’t share you with any one, with anything.
Time and place reduced to you and me,
You at center of it all!
Oh, dream comes true!
It would feel more like love, sweet love,
Than me, here, sitting lost,
Trying to figure the situation, or
How I might say it proper,
Finally to convince you, love too precious a thing,
Once, often once in a life-time event,
And ought never be disclaimed, or abandoned.
Hope I have not upset you.
Maybe that is the real difficulty,
The source of us being driven apart,
I am just too romantic
You seek something other,
Maybe you are simply more practical, reasonable.
My flights of fancy and over-heated emotion,
Not things you have in mind.
Do not worry!
I have the capability of living with my beliefs.
But, darling, you must take pity,
Open your heart -- for you say you still love me.
Mercy please! Forgive me, I lack resolve.
I am unable to start anew, to make life without you.
I am still not over this thing of ours.
I have not gotten over it, the beauty,
All the wondrous times,
I have not gotten over my being with you.
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